5 Warning Signs that Sibling Rivalry May Be Something More

Sibling rivalry seems to be a natural part of growing up. Most people remember fighting with their sisters or brothers at some point in their life, and most people overcome it as they age – keeping maybe a bit of the rivalry but otherwise becoming close relatives and friends over time.

Generally, sibling rivalry isn’t that damaging. It may even be healthy, as some men and women use that competitive spirit to stay motivated into adulthood. But in some cases that rivalry can become more damaging, and cause a level of stress and anxiety that can hurt your child’s development.

How to Tell the Difference Between Healthy Rivalry and Damaging Rivalry

People change so much from childhood to adulthood that there are few ways to definitively tell if the sibling rivalry you see will affect them as an adult. However, there are a few warning signs that should at least draw your attention, and from there you can decide whether you think your children need intervention. These include:

No Breaks
Healthy rivalry is generally something that’s triggered. It may involve name calling and competition, but often there will be breaks in between the rivalry, giving the two a rest from the constant bickering. If it never appears to stop, and it spills over into everything they do and say (constantly trying to prove which of them is better at everything in life), it may be damaging.

Uncontrollable Tattling
Those with an unhealthy rivalry may find that they cannot control the need to try to get there other sibling in trouble. This may be a sign that it has moved from competition (“I’m better than you at this”) to simply wanting the other person to be seen as less than them (“My brother/sister does everything wrong, and here’s another example”). If they cannot seem to try to take advantage of any opportunity to put down their sibling, that may also be a sign it’s going too far.

Signs of Bullying
On a related note, there’s a difference between rivalry and bullying. If one sibling, especially, is doing everything they can to make the other sibling think less of themselves, that may have crossed the line to bullying. Pay attention not only to the way your child acts, but also the way your other child (or children) react. If they seem to show signs of being bullied, such as a feeling of weakness or helplessness, or even dependency (sibling bullying can have many of the same effects as spousal abuse, where one sibling feels like they need the other sibling), then the effects of the rivalry can be more damaging.

When Stress and Anxiety Are Present
Sibling rivalry is often healthy when both children are otherwise psychologically healthy. If any of those children appear to be developing issues with stress and anxiety, it may be time to curb the amount of sibling rivalry taking place. Rivalry can further create stress and anxiety, and may cause problems in the future as your child learns to deal with these issues.

Unprompted Hate
Finally, if your children appear to show hate or contempt without any signs of anger or remorse, it may be a problem as well. An example would be your child having no issues and showing no negative emotions when they say they hate their sibling to a relative or stranger. Most healthy sibling rivalries still have some degree of love, and while kids may share innocuous things like “He is so annoying” during downtime or “I hate her” when emotions are high, if the latter phrase is being shared during otherwise happy moments, it may be a sign that the rivalry has gone too far.

Sibling Rivalry and Stress

Much of who we are today was forged during our youth. While even the warning signs above do not guarantee that the rivalry they have now is going to cause any long term consequences with stress and anxiety, nor is the list above anywhere close to comprehensive, if you see any of the above issues it may be time to take greater notice of how your children interact. In some cases, you may find that it’s a good idea to intervene, and find a way to create a bond between them again.

About the Author: Ryan Rivera is someone that dealt with a lot of stress and anxiety in his own life as a result of his upbringing, which is why he created calmclinic to help others deal with their stress issues.

Understanding Your Child: Personality Type

Each person has different personality. To know your child’s personality type helps you as a parent do a better job on parenting your child.

In order to help you better understand your child’s personality type. We have done some research and summarize the following comprehensive description of personality. It can be used to rate the personalities of your children, your teenagers, and adults of any age.

Please be aware that there are no “right” or “wrong” answers, each person is different. Each personality type has some advantages and disadvantages. In order to help you understand your child’s personality type, please think and answer the questions seriously.

1. She shows her thoughts and feelings in the way she looks and acts, but does not talk much about what she thinks and how she feels.
2. She likes to keep her thoughts and feelings to herself.
3. She is a warm person and responds to other people with kindness.
4. She is considerate and thoughtful of other people.
5. She is helpful and cooperates with other people.
6. She gets along well with other people.
7. She makes good and close friendships with other people.
8. She has friendships that don’t last long.
9. She tries to blame other people for things she has done.
10. She usually pushes limits and tries to stretch the rules.
11. She is eager to please.
12. She shows concern about what’s right and what’s wrong.
13. She is proud of the things she has done and made.
14. She is open and straightforward.
15. She tries to take advantage of other people.
16. She tries to be the center of attention.
17. She is nervous and fearful.
18. She worries about things for a long time.
19. She thinks things out and reasons like a very mature person.
20. She is physically active, and enjoys playing sports, running, and exercise.
21. She has a hard time sitting still.
22. She protects people who are close to her.
23. Most authority figures (e.g., teachers, professors, work supervisors) seem to like her.
24. She gives, lends, and shares things.
25. She cries easily.
26. She holds things in. She has a hard time expressing herself.
27. She finds ways to make things happen and get things done.
28. She likes to compete.
29. She has an unusual way of thinking about things.
30. When she is under stress, she gives up and backs off.
31. She freezes up when things are stressful.
32. She is curious and exploring; she likes to learn and experience new things.
33. She is determined in what she does; she does not give up easily.
34. She is an interesting person; people notice her and remember her.
35. She can bounce back and recover after a stressful or bad experience.
36. She gives in or backs down when she has a conflict or disagreement with others.
37. She has high standards for herself. She needs to do very well in the things she does.
38. She is not very sure of herself.
39. She is well-coordinated.
40. She is careful not to get hurt.
41. She has a hard time making up her mind; she changes her mind a lot.
42. She is jealous and envious.
43. She exaggerates about things that happen to her.
44. She openly shows the way she feels.
45. She is neat and orderly in the way she dresses and acts.
46. She tends to be judgmental of the behavior of others.
47. She is obedient and does what she is told.
48. She is fast-paced; she moves and reacts to things quickly.
49. She is calm and relaxed; easy-going.
50. When she wants something, she wants it right away. She has a hard time waiting for things she wants and likes.
51. She pays attention well and can concentrate on things.
52. She plans things ahead; she thinks before she does something.
53. She has a way with words; she can express herself well with words.
54. She daydreams; she often gets lost in thought or a fantasy world.
55. She often asks authority figures for help and advice.
56. She often feels guilty.
57. She usually gets wrapped up in what she is doing.
58. She is cheerful.
59. She can be trusted.
60. She is suspicious–she doesn’t really trust other people.
61. She feels unworthy; she has a low opinion of herself.
62. She has her feelings hurt easily if she is made fun of or criticized.
63. She teases and picks on her peers.
64. She can talk about unpleasant things that have happened to her.
65. She speaks up and sticks up for herself; she goes after what she wants.
66. She tries to be independent and do things without the help of other people.
67. She is a talkative person.
68. She is aggressive.
69. She likes to be by herself.
70. She tries to copy and act like the people she admires and looks up to.
71. She is self-confident and sure of herself; she makes up her own mind on her own.
72. She is able to do many things well; she is skillful.
73. She is stubborn.
74. She is attractive.
75. She likes to dominate other people.
76. She whines or pouts often.
77. She lets little problems get to her and is easily upset.
78. She is creative.
79. She has a good imagination.
80. She is shy.
81. Her peers often pick on her; she is also often blamed for things she didn’t do.
82. She tends to be quiet.
83. She is outgoing, sociable.
84. She tends to be disorganized.
85. She is relaxed, handle stress well.
86. She has few artistic interests.
87. She perseveres until the task is finished.
88. She can be tense.
89. She is reserved.
90. She can be somewhat careless.
91. She has a forgiving nature.
92. She is emotionally stable, not easily upset.
93. She prefers work that is routine.
94. She is a fast reader, sometimes skimming over details.
95. She is a slow, deliberate reader, absorbing every detail.
96. She usually gets things done early or on time.
97. She usually gets things done at the last minute or late.

The list about Personality Type offers a tool to help parents understand your children better, so that you can support their healthy development. Please answer the questions thoughtfully.

Please remember there are no “good types” and “bad types”. Each personality type has its own path to excellence.

Nature versus Nurture : Raising Healthy Happy and Successful Children

Nature versus nurture is not a new topic for raising children. I heard three real stories that happened around me recently, I have been thinking about it. The top question in my head is “whether nature or nurture has more of an impact on a child’s development”. In this article, I would like to share my thoughts with you. And hopefully, it can motivate you to think in your own way and find the most suitable way to raise your own healthy, happy and successful children.

Three Real Stories

1. A colleague of mine sent her daughter to the best private schools nearby from pre-school all the way up to high school. In addition, she sent her daughter to ballet classes, piano classes, drawing classes, and swimming classes after her daughter turned 3 year old. Two years ago, her daughter went to a college in east coast of U.S and then quit. Now, her daughter is attending a cooking school in New York. Her daughter is the only child in her family. My colleague and her husband have been trying their best to invest money and time on her daughter’s education.

2. My friend has a daughter and a son. She sent both the two kids to same preschool, elementary, middle school and high school. Her daughter is a straight A student and went to a top college last year while her son is a B student and does not like work hard.

3. My neighbor’s son does not like study. After he graduated from high school, he decided not to go to a college. He found a job in a local supermarket working as a cashier. In the supermarket, he met a young man who graduated from college with a bachelor degree two years ago. Later they became friends. The college graduate’s major was psychology. One year later, my neighbor’s son went to a college and major in Engineering.

Nature versus Nurture

As an adult, I truly believe what makes us who we really are depend on both our DNA and life experiences. In terms of Child Development, Nature or Nurture which factor is more influential in a child’s life? The nature psychologists believe that a child is born with certain tendencies and that nature has more influence on the child. While the nurture psychologists believe that a child’s upbringing has more of an
influence on a child’s behavior.

It is easy to understand that physical characteristics, such as skin color, eye color, and height are hereditary, however, when it comes to an individual’s behavior, intelligence, and personality, we do not have a clear answer yet. Which one is more influential in a child’s life, nature or nurture? Although the argument exists for a long time, we do not know the answer yet, we do know that both nature and nurture play a very important role and they are tightly interwoven.

Nature gives us inborn abilities and traits; nurture takes these genetic tendencies and shape them as we learn and mature. I personally think that the question, which factor plays more important role is very difficult to answer, because there are too many aspects and factors involved in a child’s development.

I do agree that skills can be trained and acquired. For one skill, the more training, a child get, the better he or she will be. On the other hand, each child is different, he or she has some personal traits and can be categorized into one or more personality type group. To change the traits is not easy.
To raise a healthy, happy and successful child, we need to consider the child’s nature personality, besides provide the best educational environment possible. I think to nurture your child to be positive, have a dream, and work towards it, is a key, no matter what personality type, the nature your child has. Do you agree with me?

Appreciate your thoughts on Nature versus Nurture, if you can share with us by commenting.